Every Time I Look Into Your Eyes
by Troll99
Summary: Part two of my triade series, first being What If. This one's Trance's POV how she deals with lost love and friends.


Title: Triade – 2 – Every Time I Look Into Your Eyes (Trances POV)

Author: Troll99

Rating: G

Spoilers: None

Pairing: Trance/Harper (implicitely)

Summary: Trance grieves upon her lost 

Author's Note: Verses are from a song „Every Time I Look Into Your Eyes", sung by Vanessa Amorosi

Disclaimer: Characters belong solely to Tribune Entertainment. 

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Every Time I Look Into Your Eyes 

_Do you remember,_

_The time we used to spend,_

_Doing what, we used_

_To do back then,_

_But the only thing,_

_That's different now,_

_You won't admit your love,_

_That's if you love me again_

Memories are returning over and over again. Memories of your face, looking at me and smiling. Memories of your sometimes silly sayings, of your childish grinning. I sigh and suddenly I realize just how much I miss all this. But…….. way back then, I just couldn't admit it. I couldn't, although I saw it in your eyes that I meant much more than just a good friend to you. You have had your troubles accepting me. But then…….. then you let me into your heart. Und I let you into mine. We spent a lot of time together. We laughed a lot, we made some silly things, sometimes we were like two kids playing their own games. And I enjoyed every hour of it, every hour that I was allowed to spend with you. There's not much what changed……… at first glance. We still spend a lot of time together. Just….. your eyes doesn't look at me really. They seem to see through me, like I wasn't even there. Despite my ability to see the future (surprised? Yes, I could always saw it, I just didn't want to admit it), I don't know – do you still love me, or did your love die? Or do you love me again?

_Every time I close my eyes,_

_The visions reappear,_

_And when I wake up_

_You're not there_

_Could you fall in love_

_With me again?_

_'Cause all I see is you,_

_Every time I close my eyes_

Every time when I'm alone, every time when I fall asleep, I see us. Us, as we were still happy, as we gave each other the small presents of love. I feel your hands as they caress my face, your lips, slowly and tenderly touching mines. I see your sparkling eyes how they look at me lovingly. I eavesdrop you breathing while you sleep. I am with you.

And then I wake up and find this gaping emptiness on my side. There where I used to find you, today no one can be found, just emptiness. And then I ask myself: could you love me again? Could we be happy again? I don't want to admit it, but you're everything I see when I close my eyes. Always you.

_When you look at me,_

_I wish that you_

_Were mine once again,_

_'Cause now I love you,_

_More than I did then,_

_And I'm hoping,_

_That we can_

_Mend it all back,_

_'Cause when we're together,_

_The spark is there and_

_The flame comes back_

If you look at me now, it's different – no love in your eyes. And when I see these eyes I wish to sink again into your embrace. It may sound unbelievable, but I love you even more than I used to do. I'm dreaming that we started all over again, that we have once again all what we once had. Could we? Is there a chance for our love to blossom again? Is it possible for us to be happy again? I live on this hope. No, I'm not prepared to give up on it! No! Not yet! I must try everything first before I say „It's over!" I'm afraid of this word – over! I hate this word.

Sometimes, when you're not careful enough, I can still see the sparkle in your eye; sometimes I can still see the love, the flame, which used to keep me warm. But not for long. But still…... I know, that we could be happy again. Maybe. Oh God, how hard is this all! 

_Every time I close my eyes,_

_The visions reappear,_

I wasn't supposed to get so attached to a man, to a human. I should not be involved in such personal relationship. I shouldn't give in on my feelings. I should…….. I was supposed to be a brave small soldier and do my task. But no one could foresee that I'd meet you. And everything turned out different as I wished for.

_And when I wake up_

_You're not there_

_Could you fall in love_

_With me again?_

_'Cause all I see is you,_

_Every time I close my eyes_

I know much more than I will ever be allowed to tell you. I know more than all of my friends, I have been in the future and came back. I'm here to protect you all. But protect you from what? From whom? I should have guided you, and not let you notice it. I failed. I failed, because I became too human. I should have never experienced these human emotions. But I do. And what was the result? Suffering, pain, resignation, love. I even couldn't prevent Dylan from falling in love with a wrong woman. I wasn't able to prevent Rommie from running away brokenhearted. (Why do I say this? She has no heart and yet is she more human than most humans I know – and I will probably never have such a good friend. I mourn after her, truly.) And now? How are we supposed to go on? You're still here, Tyr is here and Beka is here. But – where are the others? We can't make it alone. Especially not now that I act just like every human with a broken heart. But……. that's what I am: not human, but brokenhearted. I just hide it behind a false smile.

_Should I say this to you,_

_And just let it go,_

_Tell you what I feel,_

_And just let it show,_

_No matter how hard_

_That I think this through,_

_My feelings are the same,_

_I'm in love with you_

Should I simply tell you? Should I gather my guts and tell you how much I miss our past? Would you understand it? I don't know. But, it is probably the only alternative left to try. I tried everything else…… and failed. But I'm afraid – afraid, you wouldn't understand it; afraid you'd despise me for it. In my sleepless nights I think of it always and again. One day…….. one day I'll have to do something. Hey, this is really not Trance-like! I am always so self assure, so convinced that I handle correctly. But I'm different in love. In love, I'm just like other humans - blind, insecure, afraid, hesitating. Maybe I'm really too human.

_Every time I close my eyes,_

_The visions reappear,_

_And when I wake up_

_You're not there_

_Could you fall in love_

_With me again?_

_'Cause all I see is you,_

_Every time I close my eyes_

I long for you hands, for your kisses. I want you to love me again! If not, there is no sense left. Is it not enough that Rommie suffers so much? She doesn't even know, that I'm here again. Whatever she does, I know that she'll die in sadness. I've seen that miserable future and cannot change it any more. But I can still change our future; I can still make it better. But I need your help Seamus. I cannot make it alone. You'll have to help me with your love. You'll have to forget your genius side for a moment and allow your human part to blossom and reign your life. You have it in you, I know! And you shouldn't throw this power that you have away. It's not just you and me; it's about all that still remain here, about all that still gain hope. You will have to let me in your soul, in your heart again. Only this way we can help each other.

_'Cause all I see is you,_

_Every time I close my eyes,_

_Every time I close my eyes,_

_Every time I close my eyes_

But……. I still lay here, my eyes closed. Pictures of you come uninvited out of nowhere and fade out so slowly, just to be replaced by another ones. I don't want it, but a tear trails down my cheek and another and another and another………… and many more follow them. I can only hope you won't come in right now. I don't want you to see me so weak. Or do I?


End file.
